Day 315

I’m realising the hideous toll of hiding out in our own town. I’ve seen the girls’ birth parents twice in the last week. Yesterday they brushed past my car as I was stuck in a jam, bringing the girls back from skool. Thank god for blacked out windows.

Trying to give the girls a typical upbringing is just not a reality as the weeks and months drag on. Trying to work out where is safe in our own town is impossible, particularly without any help from the Adoption ‘Support’ Team. All we can do is guess when the birth parents might be out. We make assumptions which may just stem from middle-class ignorance and be totally wrong; judgements based more on desperation than any actual facts. And we have to disguise the girls when we need to take them to health appointments.

We can’t move. Work and family commitments are here, and anyway Bubble in particular would not tolerate a move. All we can do is hope the birth parents move.

Our mental health is suffering, and we are physically exhausted. We’re doing the best we can, but we can’t carry on like this much longer. Chronic stress is taking a toll.

The isn’t the first time birth family have arrived in places where adopters live. It won’t be the last. We’re not the only family suffering: up and down the country parents are having to make similar desparate decisions, and live a reduced half-life. Up and down the country these families are denied support from the very agencies that told them at the point of placement to stay away from the places the birth family then lived.

This is a major failing. It needs to be addressed. But who is actually doing anything to help? No Children’s Services, no MPs, no adoption agencies. All of these professionals should hang their heads in shame.

It’s not helping me tweet what’s going on anymore. It’s just more depressing uploads onto social media, which aren’t a comfy fit with the multitude of tweets championing birth parents’ rights. Meanwhile our children are denied the right to live an ordinary life. And there isn’t a professional or organisation in the country who cares.

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4 thoughts on “Day 315”

  1. I was wondering a little about your situation. In the US it’s very popular to have open adoptions. Does that exist where you are? Is it a very dangerous situation? I ask because in the US we could get an order of no-contact if the first parents were harassing us.
    I am wishing the best for you and your girls.

    1. Hi. This is not an open adoption. Girls removed from birth parents by state because of neglect etc. They use drugs and alcohol and have criminal records of violence etc. We’re trying to avoid getting to harassment stage by keeping a very low profile.

  2. I’m so sorry you are still in this horrible situation. It’s scandalous that no one is helping you. Wish I could do more than send love and solidarity. If you want another voice to send stroppy letters to the powers that be until they listen, just say the word.

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