There is a SEND review for Bubble this week. It will be a tick box exercise: meeting held ✔. We’d asked for a meeting in January: this is it. In April.
I was intending to write a few bullet points for the teacher about how ARND impacts on Bubble, and some practical strategies for the classroom. But then I reflected on said teacher’s attitude, and I decided not to waste my time. The one approach fits all mentality is clearly not going to be shifted by my insistence that Bubble has individual needs.
Living with a neurologically impaired child is exhausting. On top of this, we’re battling social workers to enable our daughters to regularly see their sister in foster care. I simply don’t have the energy for another fight at the moment.
I’m trying to believe that I’m not letting Bubble down in this. I aim to meet with her next teacher early in September in the hope that they will be receptive to our understanding of her ARND and attachment disorder. I’m hoping the next teacher will be open to working with us to do the best for Bubble.
Hoping. Not expecting.
When one of our girls’ sisters re-entered the care system in December we had to fight to ensure that all the girls met up before Christmas.
We fought again to get the foster carer’s phone number. It took 3 months to get it.
We’ve asked at least 5 SW bods for the foster carer’s address so that Bubble can see where her sister is living, which we believe will help to reduce her anxieties. The girls also want to send their sister cards and letters. We still haven’t got the address. Nor have we been given a reason for this. The girls wrote to their social worker about this 5 weeks ago. She hasn’t replied.
It’s been suggested to us that we attend a meeting about the girls’ sister: a meeting to which her parents weren’t invited. We said we would not participate in such a divisive meeting.
We’ve endured ‘contact’ meetings in which the foster carer has all but ignored us. I’ve asked why the foster carer has to be at these meet ups. The last SW manager I spoke with agreed there didn’t seem to be a reason and she would phone me back. 3 weeks later and there hasn’t been a call.
The foster carer insisted that there had to be a routine weekly phone call, and she should phone us, rather than us phone her. She wasn’t prepared to be flexible about this. Yet there have been weeks where she hasn’t bothered to call. That happened again this week and when we tried to phone we were cut off.
Now apparently the girls’ sister can’t meet them for 8 weeks. Why? Presumably because nobody in the system is actually bothered. Our Adoption Order stated the sisters must meet up every month. We’ve done this – usually much more frequently – for 4.5 years.
The result of all of this for our girls is that they are far more anxious. Parenting them is made harder, and what little energy we have left is taken up with dealing with this constant nonsense from the local authority.
Meanwhile social work managers continue to ask us to provide (free) respite for the girls’ sister! And we keep saying that we will be very happy to have her for sleepovers – as we always have – when they acknowledge that it’s not ‘respite’ or ‘contact’. It’s just the sisters doing what they have always done since being adopted.
I’m coming to believe that all the sisters are victims of a callous institutionalised incompetence. The term ‘Best Interests’ is bandied about when it suits, but very little that is happening now appears to be in any of the sisters’ best interests. Quite the contrary in fact: trauma is heaped on trauma. The ‘care’ system simply isn’t working.