Trauma fatigue

I don’t know if it’s even a thing in adoptive families. If it is though, I’ve got it. 

We were turning a corner last Autumn. For 6 glorious weeks Bubble laughed, was less anxious, less disregulated, even apologised to Squeak for being ‘violent’ to her, & promised she’d never hurt her again. She stopped lying. She talked to us even if she didn’t  want food or TV. She told us she loved us, for crying out loud. We’d worked hard for 4 years to get to that point. 

With her sister moving back to foster care that’s all gone now. We’re in a bad place again. 

This weekend we made a silly mistake. We offered to house and dog sit for my sister. 2 nights in a house not far from us,  which the girls know very well, and have stayed in previously. Silly us! 

Cue high anxiety, tears, sleep resistance and sleep walking. Nothing we can do or say provides comfort. 

It feels worse that in Autumn we had a glimpse of how it could be. A lovely adoption group friend tells us that at some point Bubble will return to that way of being. Right now that seems an unobtainable dream. 

I feel bone tired. A great weariness has descended, and I know that somehow I have to pull myself out of it. But after 4 long long years, I just don’t have any energy left. 

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