This week she said something which was so obvious and true, but it was the Thing I had Not Wanted to Hear.
Our lovely Psychologist thinks we need to change our narrative. Her observations lead her to believe that Bubble does have an attachment of sorts to us. At times it is avoidant, at times it is ambivalent, but disorganised as it is, it is still an attachment. I was naively hoping that DDP would help the attachment become secure. So here’s the Biggie: it probably never will be a secure attachment. And in order for us to move on, we need to accept this.
Here’s my recent thinking:
If Bubble isn’t securely attached by the time she hits secondary school, we are in for Big Trouble.
But what has this thinking done to me? And to our family? Well, I feel anxious each time we have an Incident. I also occasionally feel resentful. I know! Ridiculous, isn’t it? During an Incident my thinking goes something like this:
Oh Christ here we go again don’t panic, don’t PANIC! Think PLACE! What would Dan do? What the effing thingummyjig WOULD Dan do? Oh! That seemed to work/didn’t work/let’s try something else. FFS! Just because we set one teensy weensy little boundary this happens. I am exhausted and bored. And it’s been 4 years. FOUR years! Why does she not yet trust us?
So it’s time to change the narrative. Time to practice acceptance. Time to Embrace the Quirky. Time to appreciate a little bit more what we have. Maybe live more in the moment, than worry about the future.
How to achieve this enlightened state? No idea really! I will start by practicing mindfulness a bit more, and go for long walks. I’ll try not to ruminate.
It’ll be a work in progress. Now, repeat after me: I Will Embrace the Quirky.