Not perfect but good enough

Boom! I’ve just had a light bulb moment. I’ve realised… wait for it…..

Being good enough is actually good enough!

Perfection is not necessary or achievable.

How did I reach this eureka moment? My therapist advised me to make a list of all my relationships – mother, partner, daughter, sister, friend, etc and write down what is perfection, what is good enough, and what is unacceptable in each of those relationships.  Within 2 minutes I chanced upon my state of enlightenment.

No longer will I be striving for perfection, castigating myself for anything less, then telling myself off for that too.  I will not be subjugating myself to others, enslaving myself to my children’s/family’s/friends’/ whims, then seething silently when my own needs are not recognised or met by me or others.

I know where this needing to be perfect thing comes from for me.   And now I am rejecting the concept. All my life I have stressed myself out with my need to be perfect. I became frazzled in most areas of my life. I wondered why. Yep, I really did not realise that I was frazzling myself!  I was the frazzeler, and the frazzelee.

When we were going through the adoption assessment process the notion of being a ‘good enough’ parent was raised.  I was aghast, then dismissive.  I cast this imperfect concept out of Perfectville. Good enough was, well, not good enough.  I had wanted children for so long, and our lives were going to be perfect.  I was going to be perfect.  My family was going to be perfect.  We were going to skip about in perfect harmony in our perfect house with perfect support. Frazzledom beckoned.

So now, my promise to myself is this: no more perfect! Lots less frazzled! Just a whole bunch of good enough.

So, if you’re a recovering perfectionist too, why not join me in a twitter hashtag thingy – #goodenough – and promise yourself one way you will accept being good enough this week. Think I will get Thelma to do if first, so it’s not quite so scary.

 

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Shady Pines

Thelma’s gone to Shady Pines Sanatorium for Shattered Social Workers for a few days R&R.  And I’ve come away too for a few days R&R. Funny, that.

When I first mentioned to my OH that I was thinking I may need to get away, I was in the midst of an employment dispute, but could just about see the end in sight, thanks to the wonderful Acas and my superb solicitor. At that point I just wanted everything to stop: the stress, the e-mails, the phone calls, the meetings, the lies, the mularkey.

And now it has stopped.  Huzzah!

And here I am, in the middle of nowhere, on my own for 3 nights.  I’ve never been away on my own before.  I previously lived on my own for years. But I’ve never been on holiday on my own.  It’s quite odd.  And quiet. So quiet. I’m trying to make the most of it. I’ve got my camera with me. My beautiful retro Fuji full of dials and a proper viewfinder. And books, lots of books.  Settling to anything though, even sleep, is proving quite a challenge.

It is precisely because it is a challenge, that I know it was the right thing to do.  I need some recovery time.  I am so lucky to have the opportunity to get away completely and indulge in some self care. I know when I return, it will be with renewed energy.

So, thanks Prosecco Sue, and see you very soon, with love from Thelma x